During the course of Jonathan's treatment Benjamin has given us a number of  laughs.  When we first learned of Daddy's cancer, he would ask about Daddy's "owie."  We would pray about it at breakfast, lunch, dinner and at bedtime.  It was so sweet to see his sensitive spirit and of course whatever Benjamin was interested in, Emily was as well.  Soon, we had our own little prayer meetings with Mommy and the little prayer warriors.

In the midst of this trial Benjamin began grasping relationships.  Pretty soon we were praying for "Mommy's husbands owie".  The first time he said that, I just about busted up laughing because it was so unexpected.  Tonight we were thrown a new one.  When Jonathan walked in the door Benjamin came flying in the door just before him announcing very loudly, "Mommy your husband's home!"  Where is my little 5 year old?  I know they grow up fast, but isn't this pushing it?

Of all the memories my most precious was shortly after Jonathan came home from his first round of chemtherapy.  He was so sick he could not walk up the stairs (half flight) without looking like he would pass out. For me that was painful, but for the kiddos it was confusing.  Why can't Daddy play with me anymore or even hold me?  I can't begin to  understand what they were thinking.  Hey, I can barely understand what I was feeling most of the time!  Anyway, back to my story... we were sitting down at the dinner table and Benjamin asks out of the blue, "What is Jesus doing right now?"  The verse in the Bible that talks about Jesus interceeding for us on the right hand of the Father popped into my head so I told him that "Jesus is praying for us right now."  He thought about it for a moment and then said "Mommy, does that mean Jesus is praying for Daddy's owie right now?"  Of course, neither one of us could respond because we were fighting back the tears.  When I regained some control, I told him that "Yes, Benjamin, I am sure Jesus is praying for your Daddy's owie right now."

Oh the sweet assurance that he carries with him is a lesson to me.  Once we told him that Jesus was praying for us, Benjamin was satisfied.  How often do I want proof to back up what I read.  But, Lord I don't feel it, I don't see it, I don't understand it... He doesn't want anything more from me than simple childlike faith.  Yep, He IS praying for me and He only wants the best for me and my family.  What a comfort to know that we are safe in His loving hands.

How does one write about such things when those reading cannot see the feelings that are being conveyed.  Next to impossible, so I am going to say from the beginning that Jonathan and I are confident in the outcome of these surgery procedures.  We are confident that our God is an awesome God and NOTHING is to difficult for Him.  We know that He is Sovereign and loves us with an everlasting love.  When I start reminding myself of some of His atributes I get so excited that I have a hard time stopping!  Just suffice it to say, that this is but one more step on our journey that began this Spring.

On October 17th we will be heading to Kansas University Hospital for all three procedures.  We met the Urologist that will be performing the surgery on his stomach and testicle on Monday of this week.  On Thursday we met the Ear, Nose, Throat surgeon that will be performing the operation on his neck.  He will have the longest recovery from the stomach incision (big surprise) but the most touchy surgery will be on his neck.  Our biggest prayer is that the tumors left over from the treatment is only scar tissue and that the doctors will be able to remove all remaining tissue.  The Urologist is confident that he will be able to get all involved lymph nodes removed without any trouble.  The ENT is hoping and praying that the tissue is only scar tissue so that if he has to leave any of it there will be no further treatment needed.  Dr Neubauer (our oncologist) and Dr Holzheierlein (the surgeon who specilizes in treating testicular cancer) are pretty confident that the tissue is only scar tissue becuase of how low his blood tumor markers were at the last reading.  The ENT is not a specialist in treating testicular cancer as the other two doctors are and will operate with the care needed to make sure he does not damage any of the nerves in Jonathan's neck.  The tumor in his neck is "attached" to the main muscle on the neck and from the looks on the CT scan is putting pressure on the voice box nerve, the nerve that controls the diaphragm on the left side, and the carotid artery.  The doctor will do his best to remove all the residual tumor but will be very careful to not damage any nerves.  That is why we pray there are no left over cancer cells in his body.

On a more humerous note both appointments at KU ended up taking from 2pm to 5pm.  We actually waited in the waiting room on the first appoinment almost 2 hours before seeing the doctor.  On the second appointment we waited 1 1/2 hours before seeing the doctor.  We wanted to ask the surgeon if we would be waiting 4 hours before they will be able to begin surgery?  I can tell you that those waiting rooms get REAL boring after about 20 minuts and the offices at KU don't have any reading material to entertain you after you first look at all the instruments.  I guess we will just have to wait and see.

Last night Jonathan and I had a date and one of the young ladies from our church blessed us by baby sitting our little ones.  The kids had a great time with Katie Criss and we had a great evening out without listening to "Mommy, Daddy" for a couple of hours.  It always cracks me up to think of how much we yearn to hear those precious words when our kids are infants and then can't wait for them to stop.  The ever changing things of life.  At any rate, when we came home at 9:30 I was so surprised to find that all three of our kids we already sound asleep.  WOW - this girl is a keeper!  It only became more "funny" at 3 in the morning when Emily woke up screaming for Katie Criss.  I was jolted awake with a voice crying, "Katie Criss, Katie Criss, Katie Criss" over and over until I walked into the room.  She didn't know that Mommy had come home.  Once she realized I was home and would take care of her she went back to sleep very quickly. 

Thank goodness.  It was a reminder of how much they need the assurance that all is well in their little world.  It only took a hug and some reassuring words from Mommy for Emily's night scare to go away.  Granted some nights the night scare takes a little longer to work through, but when we quote her verse "When I am afraid I will trust in You, In God whose Word is true." it helps her to put her trust in our Heavenly Father.  If only we would remember that same faith and trust as adults.  My Heavely Father is always there and only has His best at heart for me.

Is that on fabric or on the body???  I guess it depends on if you are talking to a surgeon or a seamstress.

Today we met our surgeon - a very loud talking but kind hearted gentleman.  After waiting 2 hours to see the doctor we were given a little bit of a surprise.  He informed us that Jonathan would be in the hospital for 3 - 5 days after surgery depending on how long it takes for his body get back to normal.  He will be having 3 procedures but thankfully only one operation.  There will be a head and neck specialist to remove the tumor on his neck and the Urologist will be doing the other two.  The "simple" procedure will be removing the testicle. The "involved" procedure will be opening the stomach and removing all the enlarged lymph glands.  Jonathan will have an incision from sternum to 3 inches below the belly button.  Needless to say he will be in massive pain for a few weeks.  Please continue to pray for grace and mercy as we embark on this last leg of our journey.